I am back to the
place I once dreaded. This is not a
place anyone would want to be, but visits once in a while. It is a place where
everything moves very slow and time seems to be still. A magical place where you
see every other human smiling except you. It is the same feeling when you get
something stuck in your throat and you cannot breathe. You are alive, you can
see everything happening but you alone feel the pain, the suffocation. I never
thought I would end up here, again! After all I have gone through in my life,
have I not learnt anything from it?
Xena The warrior princess was
one of my favorite shows on tv. Many lines from that show taught me something
about life. Xena tells someone the reason for falling in love – God created humans with two heads, four
hands, four legs and and two hearts. Something happened (don’t remember that
part) and we end up like how we are now. And that is why we spend all our lives
looking for our other half!
So romantic. It is not a
rational explanation. Leave out the God part, the “searching all our lives”
means something. It is true. We do crave for romantic relationship, a companion
whom you wish to be with. I don’t think it is just the work of the body. Though
it is a struggle to control the oceans of such desires when it attacks you
quietly in a silent night. But the mind’s craving for a company can never be
controlled (at least for me it can’t be).
It needs not just any one, it
has to be the one. Why does my own heart work against me? . Why can’t it be happy being
alone? Why can’t it accept the fact that it is stomped on by someone who loved it
once? Do I have to feel the pain to feel alive?
The worst kind of pain is when
you cannot cry, when tears fail to roll down from your eyes, and you walk
around like nothing happened.
