Worst or the Coolest?

If you have read my other posts then you know about the difficulties I have raising my daughter. It is not because of other complications like being single. The fact of the matter is Parenting is tough.

I tell the truth when she asks me  difficult-to-answer questions. Once she asked me how they take babies from mommies and I told her the truth (skipping the gory part of course) I even showed her my stitches when we discussed this. She was just six but she came to me to ‘talk’ to ‘know.’

I don’t worry about her health too much. Some parents freak out if their kids fall and hurt themselves. I am one of the kind that high fives her after a fall. If she is in pain I tell her what to do next.

And how do I make her do something like eating her meal or bathing? I tell her if she doesn’t do it then she can forget about her tab that day. It works like magic.

No matter how smart you think you are, or how better you think you are than your own parent or how many hours you spend reading about parenting - you are never prepared for times of struggle.

I lose my temper sometimes especially in the mornings. I yell at her or do something which I regret later. But recently I learnt a trick (actually a truth… in a weird way)

My daughter is my E.T.!

You don’t get mad at E.T. if he spills milk or refuses to eat or cries like a baby to take a bath. When she does something that upsets me I tell myself that she’s new to this planet and has just started learning ‘our ways’ This single thought has changed our relationship in a big way. Most of all it has taught me to be more patient. That’s the key to be a good parent.

So when I see her as an alien from a far off planet the things that normally makes me mad at her don’t anymore.  

 I could be wrong about all this.

But as the child learns to be, so do we about being a parent.

Growing Up Sucks!

As you age, you change roles and the responsibilities mount up day after day and you feel like there is no air left for you to breathe in.  This has been talked about for ages, how as we grow up we lose the joy of being a child, of seeing beauty in any simplest of things.

If growing up means looking all serious and not smiling or laughing loudly then screw it! I don’t want to be a grown up!

If growing up means not playing hide and seek  with the neighborhood kids, then I don’t want to be a grown up!

If growing up means showing no emotion when someone in higher position insults you or annoys you, then, no I don’t want to be a grown up!

If growing up means nodding your head  to the words of your boss no matter how senseless they are, I don’t wanna be a grown up… Ever!

If growing up means looking at the rainbow and saying  ”yeah that’s a rainbow” with no scream of joy, then Hell No! I don’t wanna be a grown up!

 If growing up means not slipping into the pit of sadness and not shedding tears, then no I dont wanna be a grown up!
If growing up means  living in fear of consequences, of future, of failing, of  losing job, of losing reputation, then I refuse to be a grown up!

I fear losing a dear friend to misunderstanding, of losing a loved one to time, of losing an experience by being too careful.

 I would rather climb up the shaky ladder feel the exhilarating view for just a few seconds, fall down and hurt myself  than just be safe.  “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”

I would rather “Stop and Stare” the wondrous world of nature  than to attend a stupid meeting on time. I will come up with an awesome excuse later, because I AM ALIVE!

What's up Doc?

When I was little what was popularly said about doctors was their humanly-impossible-to-decipher writing on the prescription. And now the second thing that is rather disturbing is how many don’t even talk to us when we go for consultation. I took my daughter yesterday to this seemingly ‘good’ hospital at 7 o’ clock in the morning and was actually glad to see a doctor come in after just a few minutes of waiting. She was in her fifties. She gave a look at two families there, mine and a crying boy’s. Looking at the small cut in the toddler’s forehead she said “have to put one stitch!” The parents of the little boy looked worried as the boy was already crying in pain. The doc didn’t even want to know how the cut happened.
Then the doctor turned to us and said “what?”( I didn’t wanna use the word ‘asked’, as it suggests a tiny bit of care or concern) I told her about my 8 year old’s fever and vomiting. She asked “what did she have for dinner last night?” “Cheese balls and curd rice” I replied. “Does your tummy hurt?“ My daughter shook her head.
The doctor looked at me and said “ Admit her for the day” by the next second she left the room. I knew that moment why the toddler’s parents gave that blank look. This experienced doctor had no time to talk to us, tell us what and why and how. I didn’t leave her though. I followed her and found her at the reception talking to a nurse — “ I left hospital at 4 a.m. and again was called in” I did feel bad for her( a few seconds)
They are humans too, sleep deprived and over worked, but come on when I trust you with the life of my loved one have the decency to TALK to me. All I’m asking for is a couple of more minutes. Most doctors do this here. Some even reprimand you if you ask questions. I think it’s the authority syndrome we have in our country. No one is supposed to talk to a Police officer or a Principal or anyone who holds ‘power’. We are expected to take instructions, address them “Sir” You can’t have a conversation with such figures. It is not your place. They are above us. Ridiculous! It is a fact that “With Great Power comes Great Responsibilities” (Spider man’s uncle right?) It’s more work, more responsibilities not a stupid crown that demands Stoop-and-Sir me respect!

How to change the world!

I belong to the ordinary working kind. All my days pretty much are the same. I wake up at six thirty, cook lunch for twenty thirty minutes, wake up my daughter (which takes approximately fifteen minutes), cajole her to finish her morning duties. I brush her teeth and bathe her( as cajolery fails miserably). I shout at the top of my lungs when she complains about how cold the water is or how I pour the water in her head without telling her first.

 It’s a battle field, the bathroom.

 Then comes the uniform… the id card that goes missing every single morning.

 My million runs to the kitchen to make something that could be called as “cooked.”

Next, is the struggle to make her eat breakfast, which is just a small portion of the lunch I just made for school.  I shout incessantly,  while I am in the shower too “finish your lunch…sorry breakfast”, “fill your water bottle”, “wear your shoes”  … (Here I must say this “ Thank god for Velcro!”)

The battle is not over, it is only relocated!

 We hop on the two wheeler and off to school. The traffic on the school road is something scarier as kids are in the scene too. Everyone is in a hurry,  and every grown up there including me violates road rules. Once I overtook a van from the left and the driver shouted at me angrily. It was a total embarrassment and the presence of my daughter made me feel  even more shameful. And there were times when I am affected by someone else’s mistake. It is a mayhem out there. The bad roads to the school infuriated me. It made me think about the country and the serious infra structure issues we have.

I wanted to put an end this routine of mine. 

Now I wake up at five thirty. The first thing I do is play 9x0 or VH1. I cook what I have learnt from the net, quick and easy recipes, that my daughter loves. I stopped giving her lunch in the morning, instead I give her something simple like scrambled eggs and milk or dosa.  

I made her a checklist too “My Day My Behavior!” The first question is “Did I wake up with a smile?” and the last is “Did I brush my teeth before bed?” just simple eight questions that she has to check every night. And at the end of each week I reward her if she gets all eight ticks. Rewards include visit to a park, mehendhi  or ice cream.  I didn’t have to shout no more.

And the road to school…wow! I could feel the wind now, something very simple but that which I didn’t feel before. The world is beautiful again. And I changed it by changing me. Yes this is an age old technique and we all must have heard this mentioned by some wise men , but this one actually works! It is true.  Still there are unpleasantness in home or on the road or at work but I would say my morning routine has improved my life a lot!