"Wrong" Light.

I was in a heavily crowded clothes store the other day. It was on a Sunday and many items were on sale. There was a slow moving, long line at the billing counter. I was very vigilant about not letting anyone cut the line. You got to move the next second the one that is in front of you takes one step forward and there has to be the right amount of space between you, so as not let the others think that they could come in between you two. Work! After like thirty seven hours (well it seemed like that!) I was near the cashier. My heart sang joyfully. But it stopped abruptly when I saw a man, next to me, ready to pay the bill. What the hell! How did this happen?  I was so careful! I was so mad at him. Why are people so inconsiderate?   Where is this world going?  Thoughts of anger and more  anger was clouding my head. I sensed a storm raging inside of me. When the lady in front of me moved there we were. The sales guy looked at us, both handing out the clothes in our hands to him. He took the other guy’s items. I said,” What are you doing? I was before him!” raising my voice. The man said otherwise though very rudely. I denied that and threw a stern look at the sales guy making him realize his mistake and do my billing first. I knew very well that these two men were ganging up on me and that I needed to stand my ground.

But he said “Mam you are not in the line” Wait what?  I was not! Oh God how did this happen?! I was standing in the line but somehow I had strayed away and it was me standing on the side of the line. Right at that moment I was very aware of all the eyes that were on me. I was totally embarrassed. 

Hatred or anger carried in our heart is bound to come out most likely at the wrong time and at the wrong person. With each such realization ( or rather embarrassing event)  you see life a bit clearer.  Though I was wrong and it happened to me I found it cool how it all ends , with a light in my heart.

Married / Screwed?

Name?

“Skyla”

Mrs. Skyla?

“No Miss Skyla!”

Miss?….age?

“31”

But miss?

“Yes”

     Such tiny conversation I had with the lady behind the reception at a scan center. She was polite, making an appointment for me with a smile on her face. She must be my age or younger. Married for sure, saw her bright yellow ‘thali’. I went there to take a mammogram and what gave her the shock was me telling her that I was a miss not a mrs! This title thing is getting on my nerve these days! Why is marriage given so much importance? Let me rephrase…why is marriage before thirty- ish so important?

     Speaking of my own life, I got a divorce not just because I married the wrong guy, but because I married him for wrong reasons too. Like many women I had to ‘control’ my emotions and the biological urges of my body. Marriage here is the only way to have sex (well in majority of cases). It is quite natural and normal for an adult to long for a companion who is hoped to satisfy you emotionally and sexually.  But to find such a person is a herculean task, given the innumerable restrictions for a woman.

     I was crazily in love with my ex, but he married me as he  lost hope of getting a ‘proper’ marriage from his family. Men are not our enemy and not all men are bad. I would not have gotten married if live-in relationships are not a taboo here. Most of us get married because that is the next thing to do after one finishes education and gets a job. Marriage, both arranged and non-arranged, is a big gamble. There are pros and cons in both the types, but the main reason for it to take place is – everyone does it and so does everyone.

​Yes, live-in relationships spoil our “culture” – one woman for one man – but come on whom are we kidding? ‘To get married’ should be a seriously- taken- individual decision.  No one should get married because of their parents or because of the pressure from the society or because one wants to be loved.

     And if you do get married for one such reason then yeah you are screwed!