Me and Them.

                   Picking a side - how hard is it?! It is always  a struggle for me. At work, at home, you have to be with someone, be part of a group, stand with them so that they can stand with you too. I can’t and don’t want to be identified with others. I function better alone. And I hate that. This is not because I lack people’s skills, I think. I need my space, and my ways.  

                   Seeking good friendship was the biggest step I took recently.  Have you ever had the feeling, when you are with a group of people, of being not like them, and wondered what is wrong with you?  If the answer is yes then, Good, I am not alone. It can do a lot to you when you don’t feel ‘at home’ with anyone, be it friends or family. You feel special but at the same time, also like a weirdo.   

Yesterday when Ela was talking about her day (which we do every evening) she was telling me how her friend yelled at for a simple mistake. She had dropped her friend’s book and when she picked it up she touched the book and her chest only two times and not three.   

 (btw if you don’t know what I am   talking about….It is a thing we do in this country…when you drop something, especially a book, you need to feel sorry that you dropped it, you touch it and then touch your heart ideally 3 times and that's how you apologize to the book.)   

  This had upset her friend. She thought I would be on her side and be mad at her friend for her bossiness. Instead I was displeased with Ela, I said why did she even have to do something meaningless and silly like that, twice or thrice that didn’t matter. “If you drop something, all you need to do is pick it up,” I said to her. She looked at me for a few seconds and asked me,” Why do you have to be different? Everyone in school does it. Everyone in our family does it. Only you don’t!” She was not mad at her friend anymore. Her question left me frozen. I didn’t know what to tell her.

My dad told me once, when I was 14 or 15, that it is okay to want to be “different, to not to comply” but then everything that follows will also be different and you should be okay with that.  Now I know what he meant. 

Fill it Up! Fill it Up!

Self realization is a never ending process. I was smart, independent and even had deep thoughts in my much younger years. I remember this particular moment, while I was walking on the road holding my mom’s hand, thinking about my Existence. I was six or seven.

Then it all faded away, as I was involved in finding happiness from the outside. The dumb years of my adulthood has come to an end.

 Many of us struggle as we try to fit into someone else’s design. I grew up with the idea of finding true love, it was always about finding the right person. It was never about me. It was never about who I am and What I could bring to my life. And it took me several years, a bad marriage and a broken heart to know this.

I am delighted that I know the truth now. Better late than never they say. It is Me now. Once you are in your Design, others diminish and you can see things clearly.

 With the strong sense of Self we weaken the possibilities of getting wrecked.

A happy self is what can give joy to others. We become more appreciative too of the things we see in this world. Life is beautiful when we open our eyes to the simple small things, be it a sunset or a happy couple or a bunch of silly kids or even someone from a different species.

Life is still beautiful even when things go wrong and we can’t take it anymore. It’s the sweet happy memories of the good times we had come lift us up. They give the hope that it all is going to happen again. If not right away but soon.

Yes it is sad or even scary to be alone or to be with any other kind of difficulty in life, but shouldn’t we count our other blessings?

  

An angel of a daughter, a loving family of supportive parents and crazy sisters, nephews who worship me, a cousin who never forgets to call and say hi, and random strangers who become best friends for life, can fill up any kind of emptiness.