tHe jOy Of dOing nOthinG!

  The joy of doing nothing, that is what I want to give my eight year old daughter this summer.  Many things have changed because of technology, and parenting is one of them.  I don’t know if we are becoming stronger or weaker as a well - read-digitally- driven - group that knows everything about everything. Special summer classes are happening everywhere. Drawing, handwriting, water play, pottery, abacus, mental math, aqua yoga and the list continues.  For families with both the parents working and no grandparents at home, these classes function as day care though.

                              School starts from June, the new class teacher, the old friends who are in a different sections now, the heavy back packs (New? yeah, but still heavy!), the new rules  and the sudden expectations….the class tests and aftermath of it, the yearnings to get the class leader badge and the big disappointment of not getting it…kids go through a lot! It is not all torture but they do go through major changes at a very young age. It is merely the training we give them so that they become like us! I don’t think any adult can say that they are truly happy and content with their life.  Eleven months of school and serious learning , don’t they deserve just thirty days of craziness?

                        Kids of the new age can “do” but do they know to “think”? The best time of my childhood was the alone time I spent on the “mottamadi” making face creams for my dollies by mixing chalk powder and water, and the times I melted plastic spoons.  I built a tent with four blankets , as I did not have a room of my own, and read comics all day sitting inside undisturbed by my mom and my sisters.   

                          Self-reliance is rarely taught to kids these days. Leadership skills and team work are over emphasized in today’s society. Yes these special classes will teach them to lead a team, to function efficiently in a group but that is what happens in school time too.  I am just saying that kids should let  ‘be’  and that parents will be amazed to see what they could do.

            

That shit is offensive!

        The whole world is split into two, one for freedom of speech and the other totally against it. Here I am making my own list. Knowledge of "self"is essential  to get a better understanding of the world. I read many posts on this issue and it made me think about which side I am on.

“yo’mama” and insulting comedy cracks me up but when someone is laughed at or ridiculed in a movie based on their sexuality I cringe.

So in real life when do i get offended?

Here is a short list of things that I consider are offensive.

I am offended when….

1.   someone yells at me at work.

Even if I make a mistake, I don’t wanna be yelled at! I haven’t gotten the zen realization yet, that the offender is just “an empty boat” and calmness of mind is what needed when that happens. I am consciously trying to apply it at such situations. Thanks to Zenhabits blog!

2.    talks to me disrespectfully.

Teasing me is fine I know me and I don’t need anyone’s approval or acceptance, but taking me for a sucker and talking to me with no respect do piss me off.

3.    an old friend doesn’t miss my presence.

some people become a part of our everyday thoughts. I met a wonderful girl four years back, we worked together and she became my  “bestest”  friend. We went everywhere together. She would do anything for me. She waved at guys on the road just to make me laugh. I moved to another town, I missed her terribly but she didn’t and that hurt me the most. Suppressing that emotion, I couldn’t even speak well with her the few times she called.

4.    a man touches me inappropriately when I am on the road helping a woman who was hit by a bike.

Yes, I thought she was the victim, and that she needed my help, but both of us were!

Most men are of the opinion that they can touch a woman and that the she shouldn’t complain about it, because “these things happen” and that if she doesn’t like it then she shouldn’t be on the road for any reason whatsoever! Scumbags!

5.   a woman breaks my trust and hurts me merely out of jealousy.

I am in many ways like her and so we hit it off very well at the start. She even offered to help me when she learnt I was a battered wife. But everything changed when I became popular with the colleagues more than her.  It just happened that some preferred me over her, to hang out or to decide on things. And she became my worst enemy as she knew all details of my personal life. The one whom I admired became the one to trouble me at work.

6.   some nice (?) guys, whom I think I can be friends with, think of me as a sex deprived single mom.

I don’t believe in labeling and generalizing (that’s why “most men” in my posts ) but how married women are treated or seen is different from how single(unmarried or divorced) women are perceived. Married women are not to be “played with” here. I think it’s out of fear, of facing the angry husband. May be.  The level of risk is higher for single women. I am hurt when an otherwise good guy thinks he can have a fling with me because I live alone.  That’s cruel.

7.   people of “power” (at work esp.) don’t offer me a chair.

Oh the stupid things we follow at (my) work place! Mr. “someone” is rude and “someone Sir” is respectful. Standing in front of a higher authority is respectful and sitting is not. Morons!

This doesn’t mean I am all innocent and saintly. I hurt others too in known and unknown ways.

But  the more I experience this unpleasantness the less I do it to others.

And I am happy with that.

        

Bloody beautiful!

Okay this one’s going to be really touchy. Reader discretion is advised.

       I was twelve when I learnt about period. I was in seventh grade in a class of four girls! Yeah, just four! Every now and then I found myself left alone by my friends. One would whisper something into the ear of the other and I would see them all (all three!)  leave the classroom. All they said to me was “you’re a small girl.” That one line made me feel really small. I found it weird too when they checked out   each other’s skirt.  I wanted to get that, the “whatever big girl” thing they had got. 

         So the first time I saw something brown on my panties I was so damn happy. Two great things had happened to me – Id be included in all the discussions and the “outings” of my girls and I didn’t have to go to school for a week or so! I was in heaven. At home I was given special food and my thought was

                       “ Finally I’m visible!”  

          (you’ll understand this only if you are a middle child!) 

   And when I went back to school oh with what pride I walked into the class!

                      Next month…I was so shocked to see the actual blood red blood between my legs. The pain was unbearable. I had never experienced that kind of pain ever in my thirteen years of life. It was inexplicable. Besides I had not seen any other “big girl” cry because of this thing before.  Every month this continued.  I would hide under the blanket, moaning and crying, all day. I didn’t  want to eat I did not even want to drink water,  as everything was so damn painful even moving about to pee. The sight of the blood only made the experience even more awful.  

                          I was taken to a hospital once, as this had become my period ritual. I was taken into a small room and the doctor asked me to take off my pants. I thought she was going to just take a look at “it”.  So innocently (ignorantly) I asked her the need of her gloves.  She said that she was going to put her fingers into my thing, my heart just froze. 

                      What the fuck!  I pulled up my pants and ran out.

      Some women are so lucky that they don’t feel any pain during their period. This one time I heard my colleague say that it’s a beautiful thing. Not to me it is!

Even now, after twenty fucking two years of experience, it spends a chill down my spine.  I know the biological importance of it, but does it have to dreadful?  I tried it all, even herbal remedies, but nothing worked. 

                           There is no particular reason for my painful period, my uterus is all healthy but it just sends me to bloody hell once a month.