Bra Happy!

I was introduced to a pair of bra in my mid teen. I was thrilled to wear them as they made me feel  like a ‘woman.’  But after years of wearing them I developed this love-hate relationship with them.   

 Desiderious Erasmus, a Dutch  philosopher , said “Women – Can’t live with them,  Can’t  live without them.” Well that’s exactly how I would define  Bra. Bra can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Most days I throw them away as soon as I am home. The breeze,  after a long day of imprisonment. The best feeling any woman can have!

 Bras are always given a special treatment than the rest of the clothes.  I have seen my mom drying them in a dingy corner where no one can see them.  Though other clothes end up everywhere in the house,  bras are always kept out of sight. It is as if it is considered as a shameful piece of clothing.  It is not regarded highly  and not too much is spent on them, as it is not going to be ‘seen’ by others. The logic!  And when the strap is seen especially when in saree people jump to your rescue and mouth you or signal you that it needs to be sent back to its place. 

So that’s how I was made to understand them. Padded ones are for girls who are shameless and immoral. The old fashioned, plain looking granny bras that cover the boobs completely and make them as flat as possible are for the good girls.

Since I have started exploring my single, adult life I visited the padded bra section. When I try new things like making friends or riding alone to the mountains I thought Why Not this. So in my entire life, for the very first time I bought padded ones and underwire bras. The comfort they provide is indescribable. I feel so ‘free’ in them. They do support the breasts very well, much better than the morally good ones.  

 I spent close to one thousand on one pair and got the wrath of my mom.  But my ‘girls’ are happy.  Bras don’t need ‘special’ treatment. They are an essential and spending money on them in order to get the right ones is very important.

This is one of the  most  simple things that I  learnt very late (in my thirties...God!).  And I am not ashamed of admitting to have been this naive all these years. It is the idea behind the bra that is wrongly infused into our heads.  I am proud that from being a small town girl I have grown into a woman who is not afraid to express her faults or her feminine features.

Now I can breathe and my boobs are happy as well.

the Mountains...again!

How amazing are we? Human race sure is a very perplexing entity on this planet.  I wonder at the complexities of the ways our mind works. Of all the human emotions, from feeling ecstatic to almost capable of feeling nothing except numbness , the  best is feeling  calmness  while overwhelmed by the  massive bigness of the universe.  When I was sitting on the top of a hill looking at the not so rushing waterfall and the racing mist, nothing seemed more important that the sight itself. It was not my past, nor what is in for me in the coming years that I felt.  It was beautiful to have the mind on pause mode. 

It didn’t last for long though. I got my usual ‘me of myriad thoughts’ back, started to jump around wanting to explore more, Wowed at the sheer size of some wild animal’s poop (Gaur or a gigantic wild boar), Kept touching my ‘essential areas’ checking for leeches (as I wouldn’t mind if the little suckers were anywhere on my legs or in between my toes), repeatedly thanked the person who helped me reach there,  began to plan my next trip, started to think about what my dear ones would say when I take them there  and it went on like that for a while before I shushed it,  took in one last deep breath of the purest pure air and left… left with a piece of bliss that I got from that place. 

I have travelled before but it feels sweeter now as I broke away from some rusty chains that weighed me down.

Bloody beautiful!

Okay this one’s going to be really touchy. Reader discretion is advised.

       I was twelve when I learnt about period. I was in seventh grade in a class of four girls! Yeah, just four! Every now and then I found myself left alone by my friends. One would whisper something into the ear of the other and I would see them all (all three!)  leave the classroom. All they said to me was “you’re a small girl.” That one line made me feel really small. I found it weird too when they checked out   each other’s skirt.  I wanted to get that, the “whatever big girl” thing they had got. 

         So the first time I saw something brown on my panties I was so damn happy. Two great things had happened to me – Id be included in all the discussions and the “outings” of my girls and I didn’t have to go to school for a week or so! I was in heaven. At home I was given special food and my thought was

                       “ Finally I’m visible!”  

          (you’ll understand this only if you are a middle child!) 

   And when I went back to school oh with what pride I walked into the class!

                      Next month…I was so shocked to see the actual blood red blood between my legs. The pain was unbearable. I had never experienced that kind of pain ever in my thirteen years of life. It was inexplicable. Besides I had not seen any other “big girl” cry because of this thing before.  Every month this continued.  I would hide under the blanket, moaning and crying, all day. I didn’t  want to eat I did not even want to drink water,  as everything was so damn painful even moving about to pee. The sight of the blood only made the experience even more awful.  

                          I was taken to a hospital once, as this had become my period ritual. I was taken into a small room and the doctor asked me to take off my pants. I thought she was going to just take a look at “it”.  So innocently (ignorantly) I asked her the need of her gloves.  She said that she was going to put her fingers into my thing, my heart just froze. 

                      What the fuck!  I pulled up my pants and ran out.

      Some women are so lucky that they don’t feel any pain during their period. This one time I heard my colleague say that it’s a beautiful thing. Not to me it is!

Even now, after twenty fucking two years of experience, it spends a chill down my spine.  I know the biological importance of it, but does it have to dreadful?  I tried it all, even herbal remedies, but nothing worked. 

                           There is no particular reason for my painful period, my uterus is all healthy but it just sends me to bloody hell once a month.