Cages.

My recent visit to a Zoo turned horrible.  I am not a zoo person and I knew I wouldn’t feel right in there, but I wasn’t ready to see what I saw there.

He spins from the bars, but there’s no cage to him
More than to the visionary his cell:
His stride is wildernesses of freedom:
The world rolls under the long thrust of his heel.
Over the cage floor the horizons come.

                                                    Ted Hughes “Jaguar”

This poem echoed in my head when I was standing in front of a hyena. But it was the exact opposite of what the poet felt when he was in a similar situation.

What the hyena is going through looks like pure torture to me. I don’t see the Stride as wilderness of freedom. Craziness of imprisonment is what I see. Pessimist or Realist but I like to bring the negative or the blunt truth out in the open. A cage is “no cage to him?” But it is!

 Notice Boards and Placards everywhere

Don’t Tease the Animals          Don’t shout at the animals

 There was an ape which resembled Gollum of Lord of the Rings .

Its deformity, odd appearance made the crowd go wild. They cheered when it looked at them. It didn’t want their attention. It didn’t want them there. The animal looked deeply disturbed. At one point the ape threw a stone at the crowd and instead of getting the message the crowd was Wowed by it. Knowing nothing it did would make the ‘evolved’ species understand, the animal walked away.  My spirit was broken seeing all this. And the crowd which looked really happy and satisfied moved to the next cage craving for more.

Not all animals were kept in cages. But that doesn’t give any relief, as a small piece of land with deep pits around it and high fences can’t be seen as a better option. A bear looked highly perturbed, slightly schizophrenic scratching the wall with bobbling head. One consolation was that it had another bear in the enclosure.

Most apes were kept alone. The boards with their name and other details portray a happy family.

 It was heart wrenching to see them just sitting there with a blank look and an empty heart. There was no symptom of pain or suffering or eagerness to leave, what I saw was plain numbness.

The Aviary looked beautiful with all the big, tall trees. But all the birds could do was merely look at the trees from inside the wire fence around them.

A fancy separate section for the Snakes repelled the fragile souls.  It does need courage to see the poor animals kept that way.  Nine feet cobras in what looked like a cupboard.

 

And the funniest thing, the stupidest – what I saw in an Anaconda’s cage. Man thinks he’s making the cage ‘home’ for the animal and paints the walls with Green plants!

Bra Happy!

I was introduced to a pair of bra in my mid teen. I was thrilled to wear them as they made me feel  like a ‘woman.’  But after years of wearing them I developed this love-hate relationship with them.   

 Desiderious Erasmus, a Dutch  philosopher , said “Women – Can’t live with them,  Can’t  live without them.” Well that’s exactly how I would define  Bra. Bra can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Most days I throw them away as soon as I am home. The breeze,  after a long day of imprisonment. The best feeling any woman can have!

 Bras are always given a special treatment than the rest of the clothes.  I have seen my mom drying them in a dingy corner where no one can see them.  Though other clothes end up everywhere in the house,  bras are always kept out of sight. It is as if it is considered as a shameful piece of clothing.  It is not regarded highly  and not too much is spent on them, as it is not going to be ‘seen’ by others. The logic!  And when the strap is seen especially when in saree people jump to your rescue and mouth you or signal you that it needs to be sent back to its place. 

So that’s how I was made to understand them. Padded ones are for girls who are shameless and immoral. The old fashioned, plain looking granny bras that cover the boobs completely and make them as flat as possible are for the good girls.

Since I have started exploring my single, adult life I visited the padded bra section. When I try new things like making friends or riding alone to the mountains I thought Why Not this. So in my entire life, for the very first time I bought padded ones and underwire bras. The comfort they provide is indescribable. I feel so ‘free’ in them. They do support the breasts very well, much better than the morally good ones.  

 I spent close to one thousand on one pair and got the wrath of my mom.  But my ‘girls’ are happy.  Bras don’t need ‘special’ treatment. They are an essential and spending money on them in order to get the right ones is very important.

This is one of the  most  simple things that I  learnt very late (in my thirties...God!).  And I am not ashamed of admitting to have been this naive all these years. It is the idea behind the bra that is wrongly infused into our heads.  I am proud that from being a small town girl I have grown into a woman who is not afraid to express her faults or her feminine features.

Now I can breathe and my boobs are happy as well.

After the 'D' word

We are social beings, no denying that, but living alone (as in with no spouse) is also possible.  My friends (not all, some are still sensible) tell me that I should think about my end years and that I need to find me a man. I tell them it is scary to be alone without having no one to hold your hand as you die or not to have anyone beside the” bed” ( that’s how it is always shown in the movies, a white hospital room and a comfy bed!) But lately I have found  that I can live life with ease on my own. But I would definitely want the comfy bed and my family and friends beside me.

I had my doubts about this, but it is such a great feeling to know that I can.  My decision is influenced greatly by my heartbreaks. But that doesn’t mean I have lost faith in Men or in Marriage. It is joyful to be in the presence of couples in love. And sometimes it is not. May be I am cynical or being cautious of not wanting to feel that way again.  I believe marriage is just not meant for all. It doesn’t and shouldn’t have to be an absolute necessity of life.   

There are many stars in my sky. Such blessing take me where I need to be. 

I leave a heavy sigh of relief when I look back at my life before divorce.

Just some small but significant changes before and after.

B.D.	A.D.
Constant pressure to cook ALL 3 MEALS…EVERYDAY!	Cook when I feel like it or if it’s a total shut down and all restaurants in the city are closed.
Need to get “Permission” to do anything(to watch tv or to go to mom’s place)	Conversation: the calendar and myself. As simple as that.
Spending days and months  thinking about and hoping  to be taken out for a dinner or a movie	All I have to do is move my ass…Anytime, to Anywhere.
No “me time” even when in physical pain and deserve a cat nap.	Watch in stillness how time flies. Sometimes too much time at hand that it is spent for rearranging the furniture. Ridiculous, isn’t it?
An extra second spent after opening the fridge door ends up in at least a ten minute verbal abuse. Scarring criticism for every move.	Reprimand or compliment, just my mind to listen to.
Hide all the “disgusting girlie stuff”  from view	The door  is not closed when peeing!
Keep a dead face so as the friendly neighbor guy won’t smile anymore and so avoid holocaust at home.	Neighbors are friends and some of them are MEN!
Stash the pizza boxes in a place where it can never be found  till the garbage collector’s visit the next morning. (Food from out is strictly prohibited)	Pizza is no longer a 'Blood Diamond.' (No way related to this… but what a treat it is to see both Leonardo DiCaprio and Djimon Hounsou together!)